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Research workers are now arrogating that money can purchase happiness, but only if you pass it on former people. Who these “former people” are, they don’t say - but I bet it’s research workers.

In this study, these dipwads yielded 600 volunteers USD 5 or USD 20 and half acquired instructions on how to pass it. Those who exhausted it on person else reported feeling felicitous.

To that I say: “Duh.”

It wasn’t their money to get with, you jerkwads. That’s wherefore it didn’t matter! If it was, you can wager they would have existed spent it all on crank instead.

Look, I know ungenerous people are wretched jerks - simply look at babies. But I’m leery of this research. One, because research workers are swots and two, it’s only an excuse to bonk America.

The research workers claim their determination explain wherefore people are no felicitous here in the U.S., even though we are fat than of all time. But they neglected to designate out that America gives more money away than any nation in the world. If they held, then their study would have existed shown to be as crackbrained as my houseboy Ricardo, who still can’t forecast out how to employ a bidet.

Lastly, it’s crap like this that paves the fashion for “pro-social” disbursement: Pushing the thought that the more we get assessed for unpointed programs, the felicitous you should be.

Still, I’m a bestower. But if you had got answered my ad on craigslist, you would have cognised that already.

And if you take issue with me, then you Sir are worsened than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld” weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Direct your comments to:
redeye flight@foxnews.com