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So Ethan Mirenberg, 15, locomoted to solicit to invoke his pause for yielding one of his instructors a “noogie.” As you may know, noogies are when you put person in a headlock and grind your knuckle duster into their scalp.

Ethan’s parents are so upset that they even held an insistence conference. But the fact is, the shaver is luckied he wasn’t kicked out or at least afforded a “Melvin” by yours really.

See, we now live in a world where grownups are frightened of nippers. If you spank your own tyke in public, some bystander might call the fuzzs. If an instructor grabs a pupil, it doesn’t matter if the punk was sodomising a squirrel, the instructor is the one who gets made out. Worse, if a nephew wants to acquire back at his industrious uncle for burying his natal day, all he has to do is shown a s breadth and cry.

Honestly, I’m stock of the accusals and so is my attorney.

My belief is, if we can’t stir kids then the tiddlers can’t stir us. It’s a way street citizenry, one speckled with hunch and future visual aspects on “Oprah.”

But alternatively of intermission, the instructor should have demanded her own revenge on Ethan - possibly with a “purple nurple” and a gilded “wedgie.” And then, finish him off with a “swirlie,” wherein you submerse the person’s head into a bathroom and flush.

I know some citizenry say that’s brutal, but I find it refreshful. And if you don’t think me, meet me at the Vince Lombardi rest stop off the New Jersey Turnpike. Look for mortal who looks to be having on orange raging pants - it’s really body paint.

And if you dissent with me, may your living partner leave you for a true cat calendar.

Greg Gutfeld hosts “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld” weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Direct your comments to:
redeye flight@foxnews.com