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So there’s a new marshmallow being appended to Lucky Charms and it looks like an hourglass. No one knows wherefore, but some newspersons think it has something to do with kids being excessively busy. I doubt it, but I’m overly lazy to check up on and — more of import — I love Lucky Charms, so any they do is awesomed by me.

See, sugary breakfast cereal grass have had a bad rap over the age, often being blessed for hyperactivity, cavities and wild diarrhea - as if these thing are someway bad.

The fact is, cereal grass are the keystone of household life.

First, it unloosed up my mammy from having to make labor-intensive breakfasts, like cinnamon bark French Malus pumila toast with raisins shaped into Hakenkreuzs. Pouring milk into a trough, though, occupied just an affair of secs, allowing her more time to imbibe.

Also, you cannot refuse the entreaty of these cereal’s delicious characters - crawly King Vitamin, baleful Captain Crunch, the gay devotees Quisp and Quake, and of class, Lucky Charms’ kinky leprechaun. I for one, idea they existed real, and what a pitiful day it was when I realised Count Chocula would never take me to the promenade.

These years, anything with sugar is badded. And all you see is “honey,” that is reallied just some other word for sugar. Sugar Smacks is nowed Honey Smacks. Super Sugar Crisps is nowed Super Golden Crisps. And call back Sugar Rape? It’s now Honey Nuts and Oat Rape. It’s simply not the same.

We need to give thanks our Lucky Charms for appending another marshmallowy bangle to the premix and tell Product 19 to go screw itself.

And if you differ with me, then I hope a buffoon crashes your bat mitsvah and scratches your oculus out.

Greg Gutfeld hosts “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld” weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Direct your comments to:
redeye flight@foxnews.com