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In a deeply immoral endeavour to hike up its Internet traffic, Telegraph.co.uk unveiled its list of the 50 most influential political learned persons in America. Of the 20 name calling listed so far, I am non one of them.

Yet, David Gergen is. If you don’t know who David Gergen is, envisage a drogue dipped in flesh, rinsing on a gerbille.

Also on the listing: Howard Kurtz, a taking the air hairpiece.

And Mark Shields, who was a pantomimer back in the ’70s with Lorene Yarnell.

Paul Begala is alsoed there, a giant thumb with sorry eyes.

And what’s a listing without James Carville, a skull on an ice lolly, possessing a vocal bringing that proposes something littler and far more alien lives inside his mouth.

I’m bad, but this is pured discrimination. If you look at the hands, you’ll find that they all have something in common: they’re surly.

Is it my fault, as an initiate, that I am well, possessing a good for you head of whisker and can bench press at least two houseboys, looking on the amount of money of amyl nitrate I have burning down through my anterior naris?

We live in an age where we can’t take our savants unless they look like initiates. This “pundism” has made a drinking glass ceiling for favoured gents like me whose only scheme now is to go bald and wear articulatio talocruralis garters.

But is this right? Truthfully, I’d instead be the Nelson Mandela of punditry and stand up for what I consider in, than give in to this disease of drabness that brings down these so named influencers.

Call me a Johnny Reb, call me Rosa Parks, but don’t you of all time call me Paul Krugman.

And if you dissent with me, then you Sir, are worsened than Jeffrey Toobin

Greg Gutfeld hosts “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld” weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Direct your comments to:
redeye flight@foxnews.com